Helpful Hands

I have a Special Helper. You've heard of Mother's Helpers? A mother's helper comes over and takes over your dishes, laundry or simply watches the children so Mom can get a few minutes to herself, or just get housework done without someone tracking mud behind her while she mops.

Well, I'm not lucky enough to get a Mother's Helper. I got a Special Helper, though. My special helper does all sorts of things. He throws away old paper, water(ha ha), dirty diapers(the disposable kind, usually), hairballs, napkins, empty bottles, prescription creams, spatulas, breakfast bowls, Holley's clothes, clothing of his own that he doesn't care for.....

My special helper helps cook. He could flip a pancake right out of the pan and onto floor, even!

My special helper helps me with the baby. He feeds her her "Muk"(milk) even when she doesn't want it. He tries to dress her. He measures her just like they do at the doctor's office. He tried to give her a suppository. My special helper gives the baby lots of toys to play with. You've never heard a baby scream until you hear the scream of a baby upon whose head a tractor was dropped. If you've never seen the pre-anger-mostly-frustration face of a 3 month baby, check out the above pictures.

My special helper helps with laundry. He takes my laundry basket or pile and quite evenly distributes the dirty clothes around the room.

My special helper is an interior decorator. He often rearranges pictures, books and furniture so that we can most efficiently fill ALL the open spaces in the house.

My special helper cleans. He can dampen any rag with any contents of a sippy cup and go around wiping down household surfaces. Because life can never get sticky enough.

My special helper takes the place of my garbage disposal. In two easy steps, any leftover will disappear before your eyes. Step 1: slather ketchup on it. Step 2: had to Special Helper. Now watch and be amazed.

Yes, I have got quite the helper around here. Who needs any other assistance?